What is Coming is Better Than What is Gone

I don’t really think he understands how he makes my world beautiful just by simply existing in it. I just realized how stupid I am to think that there’s still a room for the both of us. Little did I know feelings do change and fade and you can’t force things the way you want it. And I think it’s better to let go if in the first place you know you’re the only one holding back.

I just felt stupid back then, thinking that maybe it’s never too late to tell him what I really feel that maybe there’s still at least a tiny chance that this will probably work out. It took me a lot of courage and self-confidence to tell him the truth. Because to be honest? This is the first time I felt so sure with someone. It’s just him who makes me feel this way. I just can’t get rid of the idea of him keep running on my mind every single time of the day. There’s something about him that I just can’t resist. That feeling that I only want him, just him, and no one else. I know it really sounds stupid but I just can’t help myself from thinking whether he’s fine or what he’s doing and what are the things that are running into his mind. I wanted to know him deeply. I wanted to know everything about him. And I can’t lose the chance of being honest with him this time because I might end up regretting the things I’ve not done. But it turned out worst as what I have expected. He turned me down. He said it was too late. Oh! Am I? I struggled and lost for words and the only thing that came out of my mouth was “I know”. I just don’t know what to say. The only thing I was so sure about that moment is that there is this painful thing within my chest after he said that. I was over thinking things to the point that I do expect he still felt the same way as I do. It hurts. It really hurts. If only I did took that chance that we had when he was still here. But I failed. He’s gone now. I played hard to get and now it seems like that wasn’t a good idea. I felt so sorry for him but much more to myself. I regretted the things I never did for him. I was too afraid to take risks. I should have taken the chance. I should have at least tried. It’s better and “Oopss” than a “What if” right? He was my first heartbreak in the midst of an almost love story but sadly we ended before we even started. “Pinagtagpo pero hindi naman talaga itinadhana.”

Funny it is that he used to be so sweet and gentle when he talks to me before but I guess some things are meant to change so as people. Nothing is permanent in this world. And I have to accept the fact that his feelings toward me has also changed. He became cold and unpredictable. It sucks. It sucks when you’re the only one who’s making an effort to make your conversation lasts. It sucks when it feels like I’m the only one who’s putting an effort to get his attention back. It sucks when you still keep on trying even though you already know that you’ll end up losing. It sucks that I can’t stop myself from talking to him because even though he seldom replies, it’s just that it doesn’t matter as long as it was him, the reason why I’m happy. Even that simple “ok” from him means a lot. You know when you start having special feelings for someone you also start acting strange and doing things you never did before. It was happening to me. He let me see the part of me that weren’t all that pretty. And it felt good. I wanted to take care of him but it seems he doesn’t want me to. I’m feeling hopeless. Why am I still pushing myself to him? I wanted to stop and give up but at the back of my head I wanted to try harder. I wanted to make him feel that he’s worth fighting for. It feels like if I ever stop, it’ll be the end for the both of us. I just can’t afford to lose him. I know there’s really nothing to lose because in the first place he was never mine and I don’t even own his heart but what do I do? The moment he entered my life, I never felt so alive. He’s my happiness but ended up being my sadness as well.

Time came when I decided to stop. It feels like I’m just bothering him and I’m just wasting his time. Maybe it is better this way. It’s enough that at least I did try to fight for him even for the last time. I’ll stop right here. I don’t want to lower my worth by always trying to get his attention. It seems like I’m losing myself with just the thought of him. And I know this isn’t right. I keep asking myself, “What is happening to me?” I realized I’m so caught up with him that I tend to forget about myself. There are a lot of things I need to focus on and deal with rather than this little stupid feeling I have for him. I’m still young and my journey doesn’t stop here. I mean what’s the rush? If we were meant to be, it will be. Lol. I think it’s way better to leave it here.

As for now, I’m trying my very best to convert my attention on things that matter most to me aside from him. After all, I still have friends and important people around who truly care about me. I’m still looking forward that good things will follow and there are a lot of opportunities ahead that are waiting for me. Maybe not now, not today, not tomorrow, but someday this feeling I have for him will fade. I may not forget about him but I’m still happy that he came along. No matter how hurt I am with the truth, I’m still grateful that he came into my life. He helped me see things clearly, that some things aren’t meant to be, that there’s nothing wrong with letting go, and most importantly, what is coming is better than what is gone.

Angelica xxx

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25 Anonymous Facts About Me

To end this week off, I’ve decided to tell you a little bit more about myself!

I prefer coffee than milk. I can drink more than 3 cups of creamy latte flavoured coffee a day. I don’t know why but I just can’t live a day without it haha.

My favourite songs always change because I will listen to them until I get sick of it.

My music playlist at the moment is mainly composed of three songs originally composed and sung by John Neil Torrente Roa, my ultimate crush from Cebu haha. I really sounded like a die-hard fan at the moment but yes I’ve been following his life since 2015. He really inspires me in a lot of ways. I’m just happy and proud of him being successful at a young age.

Whenever I go travelling in a bus, I like to glaze up at the sky and pretend I’m a different person. Is that sad?

My favourite colours are black, white, and grey because whenever I wear these colours, I always feel confident about myself. Is that making sense?

I love dogs and cats. They are so adorable in my eyes I just can’t resist their cuteness haha.

My favourite smell is the smell of new books and notebooks. I don’t know why but every time I went to any bookstores, I always love to sneak around the bookshelves and keep smelling the open pages haha. Is that weird?

I’m not married as I am still 19 and no boyfriend since birth. But I do like to dream of having an intimate relationship with someone I love. And I do also like to dream of having a wedding like that of Marian Rivera and Dingdong Dantes haha.

I’ve never been out of the country but I do dream of travelling to different places like Paris, Korea, and Disneyland.

I can speak and understand three languages: Bisaya, Tagalog and English.

Last time I cried was a couple of weeks ago. I normally cried whenever I watched dramatic movies like MMK and Kdramas but also whenever I talk about my personal life.

I don’t really have favourite movies but I love watching horror movies, ghosts and mysteries. I also love watching kdramas and any love stories.

I have a massive obsession in collecting Doraemon stuff. It might sound really childish to some but it really makes me happy whenever I see Doraemon around.

I have two favourite blogs at the moment, ohmisskhae on tumblr and hideawaygirl on wordpress. Both bloggers normally talks about their personal life. They are my inspirations in this blogging world.

I like taking photos but the problem is I don’t have a camera. I can’t wait to graduate, get a job and earn income so that I can already buy one for myself haha.

I have difficulty in motivating myself to sleep early at night. That’s why I’m usually wide awake at midnight and really sleepy during day time haha.

I have guy friends namely Fred, Junny, Rene, Joseph, and Pat. We usually hang out together.

There are 5 reasons why I prefer to have guy friends: (1) they cause less drama, (2) I feel protected and safe when they’re around (3) they are funny to be with (4) they won’t gossip a lot about me behind my back (5) they keep it real all the time.

The first time I got drunk was when I celebrated my 19th birthday. It really took a lot of convincing before I took that glass of beer and drink it and then another one. Until I felt dizzy and weird about my body haha that’s when I realized I was drunk because I was really acting weird the whole time. And before I knew it, I vomited in my room. That’s really gross. And the idea of getting a hangover doesn’t really sound great.

I love to star gaze. It felt warm and romantic whenever I looked at the stars above the sky.

Sweets are my thing. I love chocolates, cakes, salad… urgh I think I need to have all of them right now haha.

I have the passion in singing. I’ve been performing on stages but not so often now. I’m not really good at it but I do love to sing. I always have a stage fright when I’m in front of audiences but I’m trying to get rid of it whenever I’m on stage.

I can play the guitar but not really as good as what you are thinking right now haha.

I’m a working student.

I’ve really enjoyed writing this post and I think I will be writing at least once a week 🙂 I would also like to know a little bit more about you. Tell me a fact about you.

If you have any questions, just ask them in the comment box below and I will see if I can answer them in my next post. Please follow and like! I hope to see you all soon!

Angelica xxx

Her Starting Point

I’ve decided to start a blog.

I’m not fluent in English so I hope you’ll still bare with me though haha. Anyways one of the reason why I blog is because I wanted to improve my English and the way I express my thoughts about the things that are happening around me and I wanted to see how my life goes from time to time.

I already had a blog on tumblr before this and I’m still into it until now. Recently my blog reached 600+ followers and honestly I felt overwhelmed about it. And the fact that my blog just randomly talks about my nonsense and not-so-interesting-life and weird dramas, I never thought some people would still be following and reading my entries. Blogging wasn’t really the only thing that I want to do in life but the idea of blogging is really haunting me and every day I get to be more and more excited just by thinking about it. I really love to write even though I’m really not that good at words. But I’ll take that as a good start. Blogging really helps me connect with other brilliant bloggers and get inspired by their stories and entries.

Telling more about myself, I’m a pure Filipina currently residing at Dipolog City, Zamboanga del Norte, Philippines. I came from the beautiful Island of Biliran located at Leyte, Philippines. I’m 19 years of age currently taking up Marketing Management under the Department of Business Administration at St. Vincent’s College Incorporated.

So talking about my education, summer vacation doesn’t really sound good to me because I spent my whole summer days taking up four classes a day plus doing an extra life fulfilling my responsibilities and duties as a working student. But luckily, I still survived. I’m coming third year this semester and the thought of it really makes me feel excited and I can’t wait to meet everyone at school again. It sounds like it’s going to be more challenging this time knowing the fact that I’m planning to make a big change out of my studies and my life.

It took a lot of time and efforts battling and fighting with all my life before I came up to where I am now. I really appreciate how people see the good change in me. I can really say that I’m way better now than long time ago. I’ve changed in a lot of ways and I’m very thankful to the challenges and trials that I surpassed and to the people whom I came to meet up with along the way. They totally make a big contribution on changing my life.

But that’s not the end of the story yet, this is just the beginning of facing the real future ahead of me. So yeah let’s go back to why I’ve decided to try and have a go at this blog. This is the place where I’m allowed to say whatever I want, when I want, and how I want. I’m not going to brag about this to any of my friends, my family or my cats. I hope you enjoy this blog and I will see you soon!

Angelica xxx

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